QOTDs:
"I want to be hit by a car... it'd be such a good story!"

"Do you like beating your men down with your big words first, or after the first date?"

"I swear, someday I'm going to open the chiropractic clinic where they just ram people with cars."

"The totalitarian tyrant tortured the terrified townspeople."

Gavin: In some abortion procedures don't they like suck some fluid out of the spine with a vacuum?
Me: Yeah, maybe?
Gavin: So you could say "Abortion sucks." Heh.

"'Some sort of radiance came from deep within her that is now absent, much like it does with her mother.' Could I have changed tenses MORE in that sentence?"

Me: I should probably go shower.
Ryan: Shower?
Me: Yeah? It's a place where you go get clean? Familiar with the concept?

James:It has a note too, which says 'Do not touch on pain of' and then instead of trying to describe it ineptly, I drew a picture.
Me: Heh, what of?
James: It's a stick man being hung, drawn, quartered, then having his sexual organs removed and each part of him spit-roasted. The sun has a smiley face though, so it's not all disturbing.

QOTDs:
"I killed 5 goblins with my +17 longclub of holy smite!!!!"

"Radicals make me horny."

Me: But seriously, him?? He looks... evil! And not the sexy kind! The... rodent kind!
Harmon: There's a sexy kind of evil?
Me: Oh yes. But he's the rodent kind with big pointy teeth.
Bozman: Yeah, he looks like a weasel, the kind you gotta shoot before he eats all your chickens.

Me: No articles quite as good as the possessed bathmat terrorizing New Jersey town, but... still funny...
James: Hey, those satanic bathmats are important news! People need to be warned, priests need to be paid to bless shower systems so that the water coming out will be holy! Oooh, there's something I could do if the lawyer gig doesn't work out... sell blessed shower systems to people in the bible belt. I'd make a killing!

See also: The comments from the post below. And add to them! Fun stuff.

QOTDs:
Byrne: The Waaater is Niiiiiight... I can't see throooough iiiit... it has the eeeeeeyes... of a hooooorse....

Gavin: It's a MAN!

Thomas: Hey, remember when I threatened to deflower your firstborn?

James: Attention span of... of... of a thing without an attention span.

Eruc: I laaaarvooooo.
Me: You larvoo? Is that a new verb that means you're a larvae?
Eruc: I love you.
Me: Aww, I'm touched.
Eruc: It wasn't me, I swear it! I was going to touch you but you looked.

"Forever weird, smile, okay? Smile dying... sure should mean it..."

Thomas: "A pound of pluck is worth a ton of luck." When you fuck. In bed.
Me (thirty seconds later): Hard.

QOTDs:
"Yeah, but he was a cool guy, well hung, y'know?"

Thomas: Ian, I love you.
Ian: I don't want you to love me, Thomas. Now Emily I might not mind so much.
Me: Sorry, Ian. Don't love you.

Ian: The time Emily spends playing the trumpet is directly proportional to the amount of time she spends playing with herself.
Thomas: Ian... do you know what directly proportional means?

Brian: Well, you know where we have to go!
Thomas: Where?
Brian: BED BATH AND BEYOND.

QOTDs:
Thomas: Give it to me!
(Korey doesn't)
Thomas: NOW!!!
(Korey doesn't)
(I hold out my hand)
(Korey gives it back)
Korey: HER I'm afraid of.

Me: You took care of it, yes?
Ryan: Oooooh boy did I.

"Satan, too, is enthusiastic about the new deal. Contacted by Weekly World News, Luciferian spokesperson J. Stalin said, 'No one is going to weep for a child molester being whipped with lashes of flame.'" This bit is accompianied by the funniest drawing of the devil EVER. It's like the Buddy Christ... only... the Buddy Satan.

Me: Well, it's not like women typically jump a guy's bones the first time they have a conversation with them.
Ryan: Still... they should.

QOTDs:
James: Try to imagine the most camp of gay men jumping from foot to foot while flapping their arms and fanning their faces with their eyes screwed up tight making this un-typeable noise and going "I don't wanna drink blood!" So why do you hate him?
Me: Oh, same reason you do. Arm-flapping "I don't WANNA! Lestaaaaaat, I don't WAAAANNA!"

Thomas: Wow, did I just out-metaphor you?
Me: Think you did, yeah.
Thomas: Oh god, someone'd better stop this before I become your pixie.
Me: My what?
Thomas: Mr... Snaffleburger... reference.
Me: Ahh. Hehe.
[20 second pause]
Me: Don't you just love James?
Thomas: Yep.

So, yeah, haven't really updated because while there have been good times (like me + Thomas's shopping thing... that was fun... and other things too...), there haven't been quite so many memorable quotes. So anyway. Kels, I think you're now my pregnant virgin pimpette Kelsita.

QOTDs:
"Emily... that was the most demonic 'holy' I've ever heard."

"Oh my GOD, you're OBESE!!?!"

"Look, it's an overly large woman!"

Kels: I could go rape someone in that alley.
Me: Mmmmhmmmm.
Kels: I could!!
Me: Of course you could, dear. I have the utmost confidence in your ability to rape.

Me: Did anyone else notice that guy... smiling at us...?
Spencer: Yes, it was creepy.
Kels: It's because he was in the presence of two foxy ladies.
Me: Hehe.
Kels: And by foxy ladies... I mean you and Spencer.

"I AM an overtone. EEEEE!"

Adam: Billy Joel has hands of steel. And a heart of gold.
Zach: ...and a wife of 25.

"Christ, I was up later than this before my balls dropped!"

Becca: See, I don't want to get all gorgeous and have the guy not be.
Me: Which is why you and Thomas need to have babies everyone'll lust after.
Becca: Only if he wears the right coat!

QOTDs:
Thomas: I'll call and tell you about the wrecked... car... t-rex thing...
Me: Sheep! There's no sheeps!
Kelsey A: You two have the weirdest conversations ever.

Me: Where do you parked?
Thomas: "Where do you parked"?? See, this is PROOF that the British are better.
Kelsey A: No, it's just proof that Emily's stupid.
[thirty seconds later]
Me: Those things have NOTHING TO DO WITH EACH OTHER. As... Kelsey said... thirty seconds ago...

Thomas: See, the British are smarter, we wouldn't think of the whole goat silk harvesting thing?
Me: What the hell are you talking about?
Thomas: My POINT is that the English are bloody superior.
Me: Hey, I do believe I'M the Anglophile around here! ...in more than one way. Heh.

"Just because I hit on other women doesn't mean I'm a lesbian!"

"WE'RE LOOKING AT YOUR BOOBS."

This is just a post to do the dance of YAY! because Ryan actually commented.

[does the dance of YAY!]

Thankee. Now look at various posts below for continuing comments (like RYAN'S!)

QOTDs:
Kels (throws her arms around Thomas): Hug me!
Thomas (keeps his arms at his sides): ...no.
Kels: Becca, you can make him do anything, make him hug me!
(Becca wraps her arms around Kels from behind and tries to grab Thomas's hands and put them behind Kelsey's back)
Me: Clearly, Thomas, your ex is standing between you and Becca.
I know. I'm so amazing. Heeeee.

Me (writes): I will devour your soul.
Jacob (edits): I will devour your soul soup.

Me: Hey! No stealing of food. Ask me for something and I'll give it to you, but don't steal!
Roete: Can I have sex with you, please?
Me: Allow me to rephrase that. Ask me for something food-related and I'll usually give it to you.
Roete: Can I eat food off of you?
Me: *facepalm*
Roete: Mmmm, whipped cream...

I'M SO LUCKY!

...had to do it, sorry! Wheeeee.

I may be high on life.

QOTDs:
Tron: Arr, I be Cap'n Long John Blackbeard Pegleg Patcheye Hook!

Kels: That's NO EXCUSE, Emily! Choir takes precedence over all bodily functions!
Thomas: All bodily functions, eh?

Me: Jacob, you'd probably stand up and point and laugh at my funeral.
Jacob: Nah, I'd just be like "HER COMPUTER IS MINE, BITCHES!"

Me: See, after rehearsal yesterday Steve told me I had taken on the role of his anchor soprano...
Thomas: Oh, wow, I totally understand. Yeah, I wouldn't feel bad at all if you didn't come now.
Me: ...do you even have any idea what I just said?
Thomas: Nope, not a clue, no.
Me: Wow, Thomas.
Thomas: A soprano's high, right?

"Riding in Cars Tanks With Boys Terrorists"

"And you can say, 'Woman! Where is my hearty grog of manliness?' And I can say 'Right over here by the ale!'"

QOTDs:
Me: I'm going shopping with Thomas today.
David: Fun. I'm going shopping with some college chicks.
Me: You playboy, you.
David: Oh, it's all right, you've got a girl to go with too!

Beth: Is it weird that the other day I looked at my doorknob and thought of you?
Me: Not too terribly weird, I guess.
Beth: I mean, hell, I'd be creeped out if a doorknob reminded someone of me...

"I'll see you in HELL, lego-man!"

Beth: I'm glad he did, though, because I'm a complete retard when it comes to chinese....
Me: How can someone be a retard when it comes to chinese?
Beth: I don't know, I think I asked him what were considered appetizers.
Me: Wow, you are a chinese retard.
Beth: Thank you, Emily, for supplying me with my new away message. Hopefully no Chinese people will read it and be offended and hunt you down.

QOTDs:
"What the fucking fuck? I mean, seriously, what the fuck?"

Kels: Can we... sing through Stars I Shall Find?
Me: I was so just going to say that. We've got it like this.
Kels: Like this... this... here...

Thomas: Yeah, I know what you two do when you're alone.
Me: ...we have lesbian sex.
Thomas: Mmhm, see, I knew that.

"THAT'S A MISPLACED MODIFIER, BIOTCH!"

QOTDs:
"In the evening-- TECHNO RAVE."

"Care after old ggg"

Me: Don't know if I ever want to have kids.
Jacob: Heh, I can just imagine you as a mother.
Me: Yeah, I can see me as a mother, too... talking to my two year old, "How many times do I have to tell you? DON'T SPLIT YOUR INFINITIVES."
Jacob: And the sad part is... I can really see that.

"I'm naked under my clothes."

Me (examining fuzzy black handcuffs): Hehehe, these make me happy.
Becca: Yeah, I used them on Thomas.
[I stare]
Becca: Not in a sexual way!

"I'll have a sign on me saying "I'm honored to accept your unwanted stomach rejects'."

QOTDs:
"Every time people argue about whether Apple or Windows is better, an angel dies."

"OooooOOOOOoooops."

"The Unfantastic Four: Mammary Man, Merve the Perve, Tommy the Commie, and Cocaine Jane of Pain!"

"Tree."

Sean: New limit: Roete's soul.
Me: Roete has a soul?

"Maybe I'll just make myself... un-turnonable..."

Me: Whatever, DeepGuy McThink.
Bicknell: Haha, yes, I shall be DeepGuy McThink. I could be a superhero. They could have the McThink sign that they shine in the sky and I fly off to rescue people from mediocrity.
Me: Oh, you know the whole "Think, McFly" thing? Your version'd be "Fly, McThink!"

QOTDs:
"I'll thunder YOUR chocolate!"

Me: Wait, is it funky or fonky?
Thomas: Funky, but I like fonky. It's cool. You're fonky.
Me: Your mother's fonky.
Thomas: I'll fonky your mother.

Roete: I love you, Emily. I want you bad.
Me: I love your Propel. I guess. I've never actually had Propel.
Roete: I don't know what's funnier, the fact that I actually just said that, or your delayed response. Now hurry up, woman. We got work to do.

QOTDs:
"Bob sit in shadowy corner. Does nothing."

Beth: Whatcha doing tonight?
Me: Dinner with me mither.
Beth: Darn those mithers.
Me: Aye, they're a diabolical lot.

Me: As long as they don't get rid of the jizz music, I'm jim dandy.
James: I always felt the jizz music gave it a blue movie kind of feel.
I really mainly put this amusing little quote in to see just how many people could actually understand it. So, comment and let me know whether or not you actually know what he was talking about.

"I become angry with furious anger!"

Me mither: Is his hair more real?
Me in an honorary blonde moment: His hair IS real, he really bleaches it!
No, we didn't get in a fight about Spike, why would you ask? *eyeshift*

"ah ee ah-eh-ehh uh-ah-ih eh oooo ah-eh"

Incidentally, if anyone wants to hear about my strange dream and offer suggestions as to what in the hell it means, please let me know. Because... it's weird... and interesting.

QOTDs:
Me: You're such an emotional sadist, know that?
Becca: I know. I laugh when people get hurt. Tehe.

Thomas: That cloud looks like a volcano.
Becca: Your face looks like a volcano.
Thomas: I know, I'm just that hot.

Lots of random girls Thomas doesn't know: Hiiii, Thomaaaas.
3 random girls Cody doesn't know: Does Thomas have a girlfriend?
I just think it's hilarious. Hehehehehe.

Me: ...OW.
Thomas: Seriously?
Me: Uh huh.
Thomas: Oh nose, don't hurt, you're a good nose.

Becca: Everyone'd do me. Jesus would do me.
Thomas: Whaaaat?
Becca: Well, of course he would. How do you think the virgin mary got knocked up? God came down and banged her!

And there's a note that says "funny face" that I can't honestly remember what the QOTD of was. Someone (cough Thomas cough) want to help me out there?

QOTDs:
Evil ass jam : Jam with attitude. At least if you put the first two words together as opposed to the last two, because if it's the last two, it really doesn't bear a whole lot of thinking about.

"That's because you have a degree in Jewology! You heard me!"

"Then I'd do a parody of 'I'm Bad' with the jam, complete with a jam dance. The jam, that is, not me. I don't like dancing so much."

~~~~

So do I just bring out the chivalrous in men these days or something? In the past few days I've had my hand kissed while the kisser says "Mademoiselle", and been called "milady" twice. How crazy is that?

I figured out what the creepy sound I made is. You know that Exorcism of Emily Rose movie? Based on a true story? Yep. That's me. I'm possessed by a demon, and that's why I made that sound. *eyeshift* Seriously. I promise.

QOTDs:
"You look like a retarded Macaulay Culkin."

"Quick, I'm being drafted, impregnate me!"

"I have a cousin who's a female. Human, not goat."

"If you put guys with girls..."

"STUUUUUUnde!"

QOTDs:
"Bad girl, you need to measure your numbers. I mean..."

"The WORLD is my HOME."

"You know I'll just crush yours with my mega-lead."

"I feeeeel the greeeen."

"It's intense. Like camping." *cricket chirp*

Me: You must educate her.
Thomas: That was very naughty. Excuse me while I squirt some more whipped cream in my mouth.

"20 bucks says I can nail her the first time I try."

It shall be called Kelspemily.

Spemily + Kels 4eva.

QOTDs:
"Have you been spending too much time around Thomas?"

"I have no explanation for my clothes."

"I wish I had a Woody."

"Hey, it's Amidala! And that's Jesus on the right!"

"Mmmm, Jacob, tell me I am the fairest in the land and I will bite your ear some more..."

QOTDs:
Kels: Jeez Emily, tell the whole world.....all those Amish people will be stunned
James: Nah, it takes a crucifix to stun the Amish.

"She tried to kill rock and roll, but she FAILED! MISERABLY!"

"Wow, must have been some phone call."

"Everyone's really bitchy in the morning. Except me. And Emily. We're all mellow, just sitting here laughing about whorebag."

QOTDs:
Heather: Well, I'm done with Lieutenant Dan ever since he threw me against that wall, so now I'm riding Bernie.
Sarah: Dan's MINE now! I couldn't ride Scott any more because his body was sore.

"Hehehehehe. Whorebag." Additionally, whorelicious, whore-ible, and whoregasm.

"Thomas would win."

Sarah: Dew me.
Thomas: Maybe I will...
Sarah: No, I'm serious, give me a mountain dew.

"You know, Emily, I always try to be extra witty around you so I can get in your QOTDs."

"You two seem oddly comfortable holding each other's boobs."

"Ow. Hipbones! Hipbones!"

QOTDs:
Kels: Haha, Jesus created the chair!
What's that guy's name again? : Well, he was pretty great.

Kels: Thomas, do you know what the clit-or-is is?
Thomas (glaring): Yes.
Me: Did Kels teach you?
Kels: Yep, yanked down my pants and said--
Me: Press here?

"SnnnooooooooooooooooooOOOOp!"

"Because it's Becca. She who the men lust after and the women want to be."

"Bridge. Cross. Come to it."

So. Funny. Read them all.

QOTDs:
Harmon: I'm going to the hell the devil ain't gonna go to.
Roete: Yeah, he created it and said "fuck this shit!"

"You should just move there. Then you'd be horny 24/7."

Kels: That's right, I'm declaring my love for James.
Me: No you're not.
Bozman: Wait, James or Phil?
Me: You don't even KNOW James! This is getting ridiculous.

A Fatal Flaw [5:31 PM]: ok
Auto response from Celebrithe7 [5:31 PM]: meeting my dear father at steventon's for the birthday dinner thing.
A Fatal Flaw [5:31 PM]: enjoy giving birth and cooking!
A Fatal Flaw [5:31 PM]: THATS NOT GIVING BIRTH AND COOKING!
A Fatal Flaw [5:31 PM]: /me slaps you

QOTDs:
"Now get your head down there and suck it!"

"Il faut que nous trait l'infant." This incorrect sentence results from a confusion of the verbs traire, to milk, and taire, to silence. So the translation of the sentence reads: We must milk the baby.

Jacob: Bah, you can't hurt me.
Me: I believe you have scars that say otherwise.
Jacob: Ah yes, you gave me scars, but you didn't hurt me. I like the pain. I draw my own blood for pleasure.
Me: That so?
Jacob: Yes. The sight of blood excites me.
Me: But you also want to eat human flesh sometime before you die.
Jacob: Well, yes, I do.

"Hey, are you all right? You look sort of flushed." ~ Jane, Betty, Katie, Kels, Sam, Lynn, and Robert

"I liked your Christmas morning/sacrifice..."

"I wasn't expecting you to have a reflection. Vampire."

Kels: Damnit key, why won't you go in?
Me: Maybe it's taken a vow of chastity.