QOTDs:
"I killed 5 goblins with my +17 longclub of holy smite!!!!"

"Radicals make me horny."

Me: But seriously, him?? He looks... evil! And not the sexy kind! The... rodent kind!
Harmon: There's a sexy kind of evil?
Me: Oh yes. But he's the rodent kind with big pointy teeth.
Bozman: Yeah, he looks like a weasel, the kind you gotta shoot before he eats all your chickens.

Me: No articles quite as good as the possessed bathmat terrorizing New Jersey town, but... still funny...
James: Hey, those satanic bathmats are important news! People need to be warned, priests need to be paid to bless shower systems so that the water coming out will be holy! Oooh, there's something I could do if the lawyer gig doesn't work out... sell blessed shower systems to people in the bible belt. I'd make a killing!

See also: The comments from the post below. And add to them! Fun stuff.