QOTDs:
Tron: Arr, I be Cap'n Long John Blackbeard Pegleg Patcheye Hook!

Kels: That's NO EXCUSE, Emily! Choir takes precedence over all bodily functions!
Thomas: All bodily functions, eh?

Me: Jacob, you'd probably stand up and point and laugh at my funeral.
Jacob: Nah, I'd just be like "HER COMPUTER IS MINE, BITCHES!"

Me: See, after rehearsal yesterday Steve told me I had taken on the role of his anchor soprano...
Thomas: Oh, wow, I totally understand. Yeah, I wouldn't feel bad at all if you didn't come now.
Me: ...do you even have any idea what I just said?
Thomas: Nope, not a clue, no.
Me: Wow, Thomas.
Thomas: A soprano's high, right?

"Riding in Cars Tanks With Boys Terrorists"

"And you can say, 'Woman! Where is my hearty grog of manliness?' And I can say 'Right over here by the ale!'"