QOTD:
"I cut you, bitch!"

Thomas: What'd he break?
Me: His computer.
Thomas: Why doesn't he just have David fix it?
Me: Uhh, he is. See them over there? With David fixing it?
Thomas: Ahh, right.
Me: I say that somehow during the process I subtly rig it so that whenever he tries to access an Asian porn site it shows scenes from Audition.

Italy's Least Wanted Painting

Why on earth would Italy reject this? Who wouldn't want a painting of an acupunctured Greek statue who is protected by the pink Power Ranger as he gazes fondly at his Elvis picture?

In other news, gmail knows me too well... one of its suggested links in my inbox is The Grouchy Grammarian. Yes, google is probably planning world domination; no, I don't really mind.

Changed the sidebar around, let me know your thoughts -- should I change it back to how it used to be?

QOTDs
[I hand Thomas a toffee]
Thomas: I thank you. I am not of many words, but I thank you. I'm the One.

Me, Sarah, Thomas (in unison): Nicorette!

Thomas: Shidage's hidagigh.
Me: Idagi Idagagridagee.
Sarah: I can just see you two doing that during sex.
[Me and Thomas give her a definite "WTF???" look]
Sarah: Seriously!
Thomas: Yes, because we're planning to have sex.
Sarah: No, not with each other! just... in general...
Thomas: Idagoh fidaguck yidageah!
Me: Hidagardidager!

You know what would be fabulous? If follicle.net wasn't already taken. But follicle.gov isn't! What do you say, people? Who's going to make it?

QOTDs:
Thomas (puzzled): But... I don't have a vagina...
I was going to put the context of this quote in, but I think it's funnier without it.

Thomas: I could hear myself sucking.
See italicomment (tm) above.

Me: Stop! You're going to hit the plant!
[Thomas gives me a look]
Me: Well, you would have if you hadn't turned just then.
Thomas: Yes, yes, you're right, and right now, if I don't turn, I will hit that wall. In fact, we're pointing east... so, if I don't turn, eventually we will also hit the Atlantic Ocean.

QOTDs:
David: Do what tastes right. Do a unicorn.

Shampoo Commercial: Now you can have the shiny bounce you want.
Me: Silicon implants!

I watched Pride & Prejudice twice tonight; I watched the second half of the miniseries version (that I had started a few nights ago) and then promptly, apparently unable to contain myself, rented and watched the recent Keira Knightley version. I've decided (not that it's going to mean a lot to the largely male audience of this blog) that I actually do love the new one almost as much as the miniseries. I have also come to the conclusion that it's the best love story ever, with the obvious exception of I's For You, but as that hasn't strictly speaking been written yet (and also being somewhat of an inside joke), it's disqualified.

In other news, the Slashdot poll has Jack Sparrow tied with the Dread Pirate Roberts as favorite pirate.

Also, from this article about spyware developers:

If I ever meet anyone from your company, I will kill you," a person who identified himself as James Chang said in an e-mail to Direct Revenue last summer. "I will f------ kill you and your families." ... Sifting through a stack of customer complaints in June, 2005, a Direct Revenue employee decided to tally the most frequently used words of aggression: "die" (103 times), "f------" (44), and "kill" (15).

Teehee.

So, bored, I decided to run the names of everyone who's commented recently (or more specifically the people that I think there might be a chance in hell of seeing this) through anagramsite.

Yeah, I don't really know why either, but here's how it breaks down (or rearranges... tehe):

Emily Koenig --> meek oily gin, io mink elegy
Thomas Bloom --> solo math mob, lot ham bosom
James Silva --> java smiles, evil ass jam (my personal favorite)
Brian Bicknell --> lick berlin ban, brick ball nine
Al Lambert --> mallet bra (my second favorite), lamb alert, arm ballet
Justin Swanson --> janus twin sons, jon saw nut sins
Kelsey [Erin] Wells --> weekly sells, [serenely we kills]

On the off chance that someone not listed among the above should see this, do run your name through the site amd comment if you find any good ones.

Thomas: Wow, nice boobs there, Caitlin!
Tunis: Dude, I know, aren't they great? Wait, I always thought you were gay...
Thomas: Guess not.

QOTDs:

Thomas: Hey, I can see her bra!

Me: Thomas!!! She just said Riley was her favorite character!!
Thomas: Oh, BLOW ME.

[Thomas and me sing "Rest In Peace". In the middle of IHOP. Loudly.]
Kelsey: I hope you're not singing that to me. Because... that'd be weird.
Thomas: Yes, Kelsey, because I'm a dead vampire who's madly in love with you.
Me: Yes, and then you'll have the violent sex.
Kelsey: What???
Me: ...Oh, well, clearly you haven't seen the next few episodes.

IHOP guy: Alcohol is good for you!

Kelsey: So how great would it be if you were in a club and some guy walks up to you and is like "heyyy..." *does the snap-groin-thrust dance*

Thomas: *does Nixon impression* I AM NOT A PRUDE.

Me: Her xanga is mostly quotes from other people! ...wait...

Me: Wow, did the weather guy just say it was raining in the Iraqi Mountains?
Thomas: ...yes, Emily, the Iraqi Mountains.
[pause]
Me: OH! The Rocky Mountains...!
Thomas: Q-O-T-fucking-D.

So, trying to make a new screen name... went through a dozen or so different ones, finally settled on i prefer pi 127 but I may change that. I really wanted just "i prefer pi"; the 127 that enabled me to get it makes it overlong, plus I would really like a screen name without stupid numbers in it. I'd stick numbers on the end of DisorientExpress if it wasn't so darn long. I shall have to ponder this. If anyone has any suggestions, do feel free. In fact, I'll toss in a please.

P.S. It's a palindrome.

QOTDs:
[I hit a mailbox]
David: If only she'd scored one higher on her ACTs!
Ryan: Why don't you cook them a sympathy dinner?

Thomas: I'm your birth parent... sort of.

Thomas: Wow, you've managed to lie to me TWICE! You're improving, I'm so impressed!

QOTDs:
Kelsey: Hy-Vee's like a cheap whore, it'll give anyone a job.

Becca: I cheeked him.

"A PHONE."

Thomas: Q. O. T. fucking. D.

Thomas (the day after we see Boondock Saints): Heh. You thought it was about hillbillies.
Me: You know, ordinarily I'd be upset over you being right, but it was so good I don't even care.

It's time to play "Rename That Movie!"

Or else, I'm just really bored.

Braveheart : Mel Hates the British
The Patriot : Mel Hates the British 2
The Passion of the Christ : Mel Hates the British 3: "I'm not sure how they fit in, but I still effing hate them!" OR Jesus Invents the Chair
Good Will Hunting : Janitors Who Turn Out To Be Overachievers
Gattaca : Overachievers Who Turn Out To Be Janitors
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire : Kill Voldie (Vol. 4)
The Omen : Problem Child
Basic Instinct : WTF NO UNDIES?? Oooooh.
Basic Instinct 2 : WTF NO UNDIES?? Ewwwww!
Pulp Fiction : Quentin Tarantino Presents -- Foot Fetish! OR Something Bad Happened While I Was In The Bathroom
Sin City : Blood, Breasts, and Balls (Getting Ripped Off, That Is)
Romeo and Juliet : Young and Really Stupid
Romeo + Juliet : Shakespeare on Acid
Donnie Darko : Cat's Cradle On Shrooms
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind : Do I Know You?
The Matrix : Computers, Philosophy, and Martial Arts
Matrix Reloaded : Trite Philosophy, Ludicrous Martial Arts, and Neo's Ass
Matrix Revolutions : Something About a Fetish Club and Going Blind
OR
The Matrix : Hey! Keanu Can Act!
Matrix Reloaded : Uhh, Guess Not -- At Least It Can't Get Worse
Matrix Revolutions : We Spoke Too Soon
The Man With The Golden Gun : Christopher Lee's Third Nipple
Die Another Day : Never Happened (Please Somebody Tell Me It Didn't)
Independence Day : Will Smith vs. Aliens
Men In Black : Will Smith vs. Aliens
Men In Black 2 : Will Smith vs. Aliens
I, Robot : Will Smith vs. Aliens Robots
Rent : Everyone Has AIDS! AIDS AIDS AIDS AIDS!
Interview With the Vampire : HoYays R Us
Queen of the Damned : Plot, Schmot, Stuart Townsend's Hot!
League of Extraordinary Gentlemen : Stuart Townsend's Hot, Says "Growl"
Audition : Take That, Asian Fetishers!
Phantom of the Opera : Guy With A Sexy Mask
Scream : Guy With A Weird Mask
Donnie Darko : Guy With A Creepy Bunny Mask
V for Vendetta : Guy With A Mask That Americans Don't Understand
Spiderman : This Mask Was Made For Kissing Upside-Down in the Rain, Baby!
Pretty Woman : CEO Marries Hooker To Save Money
Lord of the Rings : Four Hobbits and Some Beards
The Poseidon Adventure : Cruise Problem
Mission Impossible III : Cruise Problem
Brokeback Mountain : Man on a Man
Jurassic Park : Dinosaurs on an Island
King Kong : Monkey on a Phallic Symbol
Airplane : Spoof on a Plane
Snakes on a Plane : Snakes on a Plane
Charlie's Angels 2 : McG on Crack