"Real Amish don't HAVE reflections."

I should get a hit counter. Hee.

This is probably my last post for awhile, since I'm... gone and stuff... but I may be able to check email even if it won't let me reply (sniffle), so, folks, keep writing. . I'll be missing you , certain person whose emails I can only read, not answer. And regrettably my symptoms ARE the same as yours... sigh.

Ciao, pretty people!

QOTDs:
Me: You kinky skank.
Angelique: You know, that sounds like a band name. I'm stealing it. 'Kinky Skank and the Spanksters'.

"I could imagine it on the posters... huge font at the top... "ACCEPTABLE!" --American Humane Society."

"Somebody pass the angsty scones?"

Lenny: Silly you! Finland doesn't have a Queen. Denmark has a Queen. Sweden has a Queen. Norway has a Queen. Iceland...
Angel: (sigh) Are you finished?
Lenny: No, I'm Danish.

And a standalone-worthy QOTD:
"I hate life....I guess I'll just have to shove a lit firecracker up my ass....."

QOTDs:
"What the?!"

Me: Were you actually just scientific about digging a hole?
David: People have been digging holes since the Stone Age. Digging holes is basic to humankind's... humanity...

"See, I have an umbrella, but I didn't bring it. Because the point of owning an umbrella is the right to choose not to use it."

Me: How did you get so rich anyway?
David: By making a lot of money.
Me: Ahh, the simple genius! Why didn't I think of that?
David: Because you're a woman. Duh. You're better at spending money.
Me: But you're a woman too, how come this doesn't apply to you?
David: ?????
Me: Just saying...

Holy cats, Batman! It's aardvark origami!

I want it.

I-want-it-I-want-it-I-WANT-IT!

...and now "want" doesn't look like a word anymore. Ever had that happen to you? Read this through for a while:

fork fork fork fork fork fork fork fork fork fork fork fork fork fork fork fork fork fork fork fork fork fork fork fork fork fork fork fork fork fork fork fork fork fork fork fork fork fork fork fork fork fork fork fork fork fork fork fork

Does it still look like a word? Did it stop looking like a word for a minute? Am I completely insane? These and other questions will be answered on next week's episode...

QOTDs:
"blaring jizz music"

Me: So... yeah...
Ryan (simultaneously): Yeah... so...

"I almost ran, but I then was like... 'umm... nah.'"

1) And you thought the actual Engrish website was funny. See also all the rest of the bits by this hilarious man here.

2) Certain people have really good voices and they should sing for me. A lot.

Shit Entropy happens.

The Truth Comes Out Like Rupert Everett!

Mia: Oh my God, you need to make a documentary.
Me: Honestly, I could listen to that one talk about animals all day.
James: Sadly, those aren't mine.
Me: I knew you couldn't be that funny! I KNEW IT!

I'm such a comedic Philistine. EDUCATE ME!

QOTDs:
"And the fish goes 'Oi! You bloody pilot fish. I know your dad...'"

"Don't you morons ever take a pulse?"

James: I mean, how can you have an evil giraffe? What does it do? Rob a bank? Murder ten other giraffes over a poker game?
Me: Why are we talking about giraffes in the first place?
James (paying no attention): Noooo...they wake up early in the morning and go 'I will eat more leaves than I should...then other giraffes will DIE! Muh-ha-ha-ha-ha!'
(5 minutes later, everyone else is on a completely different subject, he's still talking)
James: ...and bad dog's easy. Bad dog, stole a biscuit! Bad dog!...and then the dog looks up and says 'Who are you to judge me?! You humans! With your wars over place of origin, creed, oil. And I stole a biscuit?! Some food to survive!!! Is that a crime?!' Well those of us not in the 'I'm so perfect camp' see the dog's point. And give him another biscuit.

"We don't need no education... which is ironic considering that it's a double negative."

QOTDs:
"DO IT NOW!"

Me: It was one of the best nights of my life... Now, I'm not proud of this, but I basically ditched 'A' and just spent the night with 'B'.**
Beth: Do you realize how that sounded??

"Hi me, it's me, I'm you, we're me, me is you is me. Good."

And so many other delicious quotes.

**names have been changed to protect the innocent. Seriously.

I mock you with my monkey pants flaming name.

Please don't ask why.

QOTDs:
"That is BRAND NEW INFORMATION!"

"Do you worship the spoon?"

"Well, this wasn't the stepladder. It was the real deal. Well, not really. But it was bigger than the stepladder."

"It's like a dog. A psycho dog. Like Butterworth. That lives atop my head."

It's always fun to see headlines like "Jamaica Braces for Emily" and "Emily strengthens, takes aim at Mexico". From such articles:

In Mexico, long lines choked the Cancun airport on Saturday as tourists rushed to leave. Businesses boarded over and taped windows to protect them from shattering. One store hung a sign that said, “Emily go away.”

Grenada declared a national disaster Friday after Emily’s winds ravaged hundreds of homes, destroyed crops and killed at least one man whose home was buried under a landslide.

QOTDs:
"I was Rasputin's lover!"

"Specky Buttmunch"

Beth: Maybe I should, like, put an ad in the paper...
Me: Have it say "I will find you. I will kill your family. I will desecrate the tombs of your ancestors. And in the end... you will be begging me to put an end to your suffering and kill you. If anyone has any information, please call this number..."

Beth: I've started calling people 'chum', for some truly bizarre reason.
Me: Ahh, I shall have you converted to the mystic ways of the Anglophile yet...
Beth: Angerphile? Whaaa?

J. Random Dyed Redhead: (sits down next to me, wiggles eyebrows) Miss me?
Me: Oh yes. The moments apart were torment. I missed your familiar yet forgettable face.
J. Random Dyed Redhead: (struck momentarily speechless) Oh... good... right, I see...

QOTDs:
"It says '.....' Ron ejaculated loudly."

"Make the 'ooo' with your TONGUE! Now try that."
(at this point the ickiness in my throat makes a sound not unlike the braying of donkeys, and all collapses in disbelieving laughter)

"Thank you mistress. May I have another?"

Me: Honestly, my thoughts are a medley of "oh god! the pain! the pain!!" and "can we get people together so I can beg Ryan to help me with this? Maybe bribe him with chocolate?"
Ryan: Chocolate... never thought of that.

From Kelsey's xanga:

*Does the secret dance of the yay* (Brought to you by Emily K)

I'm FAMOUS!

QOTDs:
"One day I'll die away! In a red dress! Because I cough up blood! And it's the same color! As! The! Dress!"

"QUIIII-GOOOOONNNNN!"

"I'm not quite dead..."

"Ewok, ewok, SIDIOUS and ewok... Amidala! Amidala! Ewok, ewok, SIDIOUS and ewok..."

Mia: Do I look like him? I don't have a penis!
Me: Neither does he.

Shameless self-plug there, but... it was funny.

So, myself and Thomas were stalked by two things tonight... first of all, the number nine (which kept turning up everywhere after Phil threatened us with his knife, we were yelling "Looooove Potion Number Nine!" in the middle of the supermarket at one point), and then later on by this random guy, who turned off when a couple of girls materialized seemingly out of thin air and flicked a cigarette in his general direction.

Weird.

QOTDs:
Thomas: At last, I can do what I've always wanted to do!
Me: You mean Becca?
Thomas: Shaddup.

"The blood of the gods will flow like the rivers of ancient Babylon!"

"Yeah, his name was Abdul and then the symbol for boron..."

Shock, horror, Thomas sang on pitch and was halfway decent! Although I think my old-lady neighbors may turn up tomorrow complaining violently of pseudo-drunk-style song in the later hours of the night.

Well, folks, guess what? Emily's going to be an aunt... again! My sister-in-law's pregnant (their first)! I'm so happy, they'll make marvelous parents, and I'll get another niece or nephew to adore (though Matthew does say that everyone born into this family seems to be a girl.)

WHEE!

QOTDs:
"Whereas he's thick as two short planks, couldn't lead a girl guides unit and has all the experience of a ham sandwich."

Ryan: Felonies go on my permanent record.
Me: Planning on committing a lot of those, are you?
Ryan: Just saying...

Additionally: Happy birthday, Ryan!

They have my layout!

Knew I should have been un-lazy and done my own... oh well. ^.^

From the antichrist site:
"When he was a boy he used to sadistically insert firecrackers into frogs and blow them up for kicks."

Thomas would sort of know something about that, wouldn't he now? [cough]

I also enjoy the email response (albeit from an almost-as-annoying fire-and-brimstone-type Christian anyway)that has a line about "your hateful music". Amen to that.

So, I found a hilarious little geocities site that very seriously (with "evidence", no less), states that George Bush is the Antichrist. Take a look.

Nice Guy? Or the Devil's Spawn?

Personally, my favorite part has got to be either the pictures of Bush doing the "devil's salute"; talking about him joining a college satanic cult called "skull and bones"; or such memorable quotes as: You could say that George Bush is a reincarnation of Judas Iscariot, because he thinks and acts and is motivated in precisely the same way.

Oh, did you know that Laura Bush killed an ex-boyfriend of hers and got away with it?

Might want to mute your computers, though, because I assure you... the music WILL want to make you kill yourself. (I have a fever... and the only prescription... is NO MORE COWBELL.)

QOTDs:
Kate: I used to be annoying, but I got over it...

Me: Yeah, I used to get hit in the face a lot.

"Remember who you're talking to, this is Kristin... grad student... I know how to work a zipper... so there I am, coughing up godawful amounts of blood, and some part of me just says 'hmm... this might not be good...'"

QOTDs:
"Allow me to prove my point... ladies, who here wouldn't want to have sex on the ceiling?
[cricket chirp]
Precisely."

"They do say, Mrs M., that verbal insults hurt more than physical pain. They are of course wrong... as you will soon discover when I stick this toasting fork in your head."

Ahh, it's been a while since my last delightful dose of the glory that is Blackadder... someone remind me to buy some season of it one of these days, eh?