QOTDs:
"What the?!"

Me: Were you actually just scientific about digging a hole?
David: People have been digging holes since the Stone Age. Digging holes is basic to humankind's... humanity...

"See, I have an umbrella, but I didn't bring it. Because the point of owning an umbrella is the right to choose not to use it."

Me: How did you get so rich anyway?
David: By making a lot of money.
Me: Ahh, the simple genius! Why didn't I think of that?
David: Because you're a woman. Duh. You're better at spending money.
Me: But you're a woman too, how come this doesn't apply to you?
David: ?????
Me: Just saying...