QOTDs:
"I was Rasputin's lover!"

"Specky Buttmunch"

Beth: Maybe I should, like, put an ad in the paper...
Me: Have it say "I will find you. I will kill your family. I will desecrate the tombs of your ancestors. And in the end... you will be begging me to put an end to your suffering and kill you. If anyone has any information, please call this number..."

Beth: I've started calling people 'chum', for some truly bizarre reason.
Me: Ahh, I shall have you converted to the mystic ways of the Anglophile yet...
Beth: Angerphile? Whaaa?

J. Random Dyed Redhead: (sits down next to me, wiggles eyebrows) Miss me?
Me: Oh yes. The moments apart were torment. I missed your familiar yet forgettable face.
J. Random Dyed Redhead: (struck momentarily speechless) Oh... good... right, I see...