I adore the Reduced Shakespeare Company... watched that DVD again the other day. It's just too funny.

Here's the story of a brother by the name of Othello.
He liked white women and he liked green Jell-O.
And a punk named Iago who made himself a menace
Because he didn't like Othello, the Moor of Venice.

Now Othello got married to a chick named Desdemona.
But he went off to the wars and he left her alona.
It was a moan-ah-- A groan-ah-- He left her alone-ah.
He didn't write a letter and he didn't telephone-ah.

Desdemona she was fearful, she was chastity-tight.
She was the daughter of the Duke. Yeah, she was totally white.
Now Othello loved Desi like Adonis loved Venus.
And Desi loved Othello 'Cuz he had a big
Sword.

He said, I'm gonna shaft the Moor.
How're you gonna do it? Tell us.
Well, I know his tragic flaw: He's too damn jealous.
I need a dupe, I need a dope, I need a kind of a schmo.
So he found himself a chump sucker by the name of Cassio.

So he plants on him Desdemona's handkerchiefs.
So Othello starts to wondering just maybe if
while he's been out fighting, Commanding an army.
Desi and Cass were playing hide the salami.
Salami, salami, s-s-salami.

So he comes back home and stuck a pillow on her face.
Kills her and soliloquizes 'bout his disgrace.
But there's Amelia at the door who we met in Act IV.
Who says, "You big dummy. She weren't no ho."
She was pure, clean, virginal too.
So why'd you have to go and make her face turn blue?

It's true.
It's you.
Now what you gonna do?

And Othello says, Damn, this is getting pretty scary.
So he pulled out a blade and committed hara-kiri.
Do that funky Moor thing, white boy.
Iago got caught but he probably copped a plea.
Loaded up his bags
And moved to Beverly.
Hills, that is.

So, I completely loathed this thing: Petals Around the Rose

...until I figured it out. It took me forever. Which is, I suppose, a good thing, if you accept their explanation that "the-smarter-you-are-the-longer-it-takes."

See also: Bill Gates and Petals Around the Rose

Today's my birthday!

...and Mozart's, and Mendeleev. For those of you who are familiar with that stuff.

Yay for me!

Dear Schedule:

I hate you.

Love, Emily

Heaven only knows where Lambert finds these things but let's just say they're funny. A little worrisome, but funny...

Quotes of the Day:
"...anyone who believes that the laws of physics are mere social conventions is invited to try transgressing those conventions from the windows of my apartment. (I live on the twenty-first floor.)

...Later in the article I propose that the axiom of equality in mathematical set theory is somehow analogous to the homonymous concept in feminist politics. In reality, all the axiom of equality states is that two sets are identical if and only if they have the same elements."

"As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in two weeks."


Link of the day: Dihydrogen Monoxide Research Division

Geek:
1. A person regarded as foolish, inept, or clumsy; a person who is single-minded or accomplished in scientific or technical pursuits but is felt to be socially inept.
2. A carnival performer whose show consists of bizarre acts, such as biting the head off a live chicken.

Just thought it was interesting. Heh. Heh. Heh...

Quote of the Day (not that it was written today, but I read it today and in my world that counts): DEAR APPLE, THANKS FOR RUINING MY LIFE. YOUR FRIEND, COWBOYNEAL.

How strange of a word is "cleave"? It's really rather paradoxical... I mean, cleave means "to cut", as per cleaver-the-utensil, but it also means "to cling to", doesn't it?

Okay, my logophilia is getting out of hand.

Pratchett fan, Lambert?

Fun find of the day: "Body Ritual Among the Nacirema"

Read it. Trust me. If you still don't get the joke, try thinking backwards. Or should I say... sdrawkcab?

Overclockix is here, but, alas, I won't delve too deep into that for fear of violating the "no whining" bit.

PS Lindy: finally bookmarked your blog. Now I shall read it as faithfully as you read mine. *cough, cough*

I love Blackadder. There's really a lot of buried genius in the mock witty banter and scathingly elitist insults.

L: I hope this scum has not inconweenienced you.
E: It takes more than a maniac trying to cut off my goolies to inconweenience me.
L: Good. If he had inconweenienced you, I was going to offer you his tongue.
E: Believe me, sir: if he had inconweeniened me, you would not have a tongue with which to make such an offer.
L: Let me assure you, Herr Blackadder: if I no longer had a tongue with which to make such an offer, you would no longer have a tongue with which to tell me that, if I had inconweenienced you, I would no longer have a tongue with which to offer you his tongue.

Of course, as with all things, it's only truly funny if you see it, so I'm not entirely sure why I'm even posting it, except to annoy the 2 or 3 people who might actually occasionally glance over this inane little thing I like to call my blog.

QOTD: "640K ought to be enough for anybody." - Bill Gates, 1981

Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)

I'm happy to announce I've taken off the 3-4 pounds I gained over Christmas.

< rant > asdfatroiwtjoweingointoiaw!!!!! < /rant >

This morning, having awoken ridiculously early, I found myself bored. So what else do I find? Two v. funny things...

1. Lambert's firewall rant
It was highly amusing, and I discovered a new word!
analogize: To make an analogy of or concerning; to reason by or use analogy.

2. Old Slashdot poll
So maybe 'tis not the season, but...
Favorite Christmas Carol


The Blog Shirt

Right. You can all bash me in the comments for posting so much in one day, but consider this compensation, because I most likely won't post for another few months after this.

I found this book of ludicrously pretentious poetry in a used bookstore a while back for $1.00... it's the sort of thing that, if read in a posh sort of voice and with a disdainful yet passionate expression, would be highly effective. Here's a sample.

"I'd like to take this opportunity to quote from John Stone..."

The Pigeon Sonnets #8:
Cooing in University College Quad the Lover-Pigeon Wakes Him Up at 5 A.M.

The shortest way between two distances
in a quad. The bird, a baritone,
with all of Romeo's insistences,
banks Pigdin-English off the ancient stone.

The lover gargles loudly, but to whom?
Amplified as through a microphone
to resonate more roundly in my room
the sum of all his sound is monotone.

I have no doubt that she will reappear:
though it's the season to doubt everything,
that pigeons mate for life is also clear.

I move he wait her out, at least till spring:
A love is someone who can always hear
the only music you can ever sing.

Edit: Forgot to mention the book is autographed for Arlene, whoever she may be. ^_^

Okay, so I know this is an UNGODLY amount of posts in one day, but it has to be said that Ryan halfway believed that Internet cleaning business. Mwahaha.

Well, Andy, it's nice to know you're enjoying my blog so much, but I must say, I'm really not sure who you are/why you're reading it. Hehe.

Internet Cleaning
DO NOT CONNECT TO THE INTERNET FROM JANUARY 31st 23:59 pm (GMT) UNTIL 12:01am (GMT) FEBRUARY 1st.
*** Attention ***
It's that time again! As many of you know, each year the Internet must be shut down for 24 hours in order to allow us to clean it. The cleaning process, which eliminates dead email and inactive ftp, www and gopher sites, allows for a better-working and faster Internet.
This year, the cleaning process will take place from 23:59 pm (GMT) on January 31st until 00:01 am (GMT) on February 1st. During that 24-hour period, five powerful Internet-crawling robots situated around the world will search the Internet and delete any data that they find.
In order to protect your valuable data from deletion we ask that you do the following:
1. Disconnect all terminals and local area networks from their Internet connections.
2. Shut down all Internet servers, or disconnect them from the Internet.
3. Disconnect all disks and hardrives from any connections to the Internet.
4. Refrain from connecting any computer to the Internet in any way.
We understand the inconvenience that this may cause some Internet users, and we apologize. However, we are certain that any inconveniences will be more than made up for by the increased speed and efficiency of the Internet, once it has been cleared of electronic flotsam and jetsam.
We thank you for your cooperation.
Interconnected Network Maintenance Staff Main Branch, Massachusetts Institute of Technology
Sysops and others: Since the last Internet cleaning, the number of Internet users has grown dramatically. Please assist us in alerting the public of the upcoming Internet cleaning by posting this message where your users will be able to read it.
Please pass this message on to other sysops and Internet users as well.

Heh.

More (this is fun!) :

"I have opinions of my own --strong opinions-- but I don't always agree with them."
- George Bush, former U.S. President

"Solutions are not the answer."
- Richard Nixon, former U.S. President

"He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is."
- Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime of heavyweight Andrew Golota.

Headlines:
Include Your Children When Baking Cookies
Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
Prostitutes Appeal To Pope
Clinton Wins On Budget, But More Lies Ahead
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
Deer Kill 17,000
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Chef Throws Heart Into Helping Feed Needy
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

Lambert: points go to you for that newspaper caption...
Ryan: It's about time! Yay!
Lindy (aka Meli, aka Jo...): Yes. Emily. After Dickinson.

Stupid people amuse me:

"You guys line up alphabetically by height."
- Bill Peterson, Florida State football coach

"The internet is a great way to get on the net."
- Bob Dole, Republican presidential candidate

"I invented the internet."
- Al Gore, former U.S. Vice President

"Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of them serious."
- Alan Minter, Boxer

"I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada."
- Britney Spears, Pop Singer

"Most lies about blondes are false."
- Cincinnati Times-Star, headline

Ryan: Oh my God... This is the coolest Blog ever... it's random, and yet very (very) intellectual.

Well, I hope y'all heard [read] that. There are those who think I'm not annoying with my randomness. I can stop apologizing for my pleonasmicity every two sentences. ;)

Transmogrify has to be one of my favorite words. It sounds made up. It really does. Like a portmanteau word. I think almost anything with "og" in it tends to sound that way.

Did you know that "og" is a word for a cake or a bread baked in ashes?

Wow, I am incredibly random...

Happy 0b11111010101, everyone!