QOTDs:
Me: So after the dolphins I was in front of this house with all these lilacs-
Thomas: Wait, what's a lilacs?

David: Ever noticed on some of those arcade machines where people get the top scores and just have to put ASS as the initials?
Me: Well, at least they scored some ass...

"A pirate's houkah would be better. I wonder if they smoke anything worth smoking."

"That's right, feast on those worms! For one day they shall feast on you..."

"Guess he wasn't exactly Home Alone, if you get what I'm saying."